You’re Creeping Me Out
I don’t know how much of this will stay when I edit this after NaNo, but it is words and they count, so who cares.
One of my main characters is meant to be a creeper. He has been watching the female lead for two years through windows etc. and under heavy glamours. He obviously is obsessed (another character points this out just prior to the following snippet, and tells Ciar what he really should do… and provides visual aides) and has plenty of free time on his hands.
It is meant to be disturbing, and I think I succeeded, considering I really wanted to get out of his POV and felt like I needed to take a shower afterwards.
Anyway, feel the creepy.
He raised a hand towards the window, and on the other side of the glass the catch began to turn. Once that was unlocked all it would take to open it was a push; the window opened inward, allowing both the night and Ciar to enter without even a sound. The rug was soft under his bare feet as he crossed the floor to the bed; had there been any sounds of movement it would have muffled them, but he was light as air.
He stopped short of the edge of the bed, taking in the sight of what lay there. Still asleep, Aurora lay on her back. Her hair was arranged around her hair like a halo, and Ciar found himself wishing that it was not dark. The moments before she blew out the lights were always the best: the candlelight gave a touch of warmth to her fair skin and made her hair look like burnished gold.
If she was sun, moon and stars to her father, in Ciar’s eyes she outshone them all – he truly did see her in hyperbole, in all the words the poets would use, and without irony. He meant what he thought and never stopped to consider otherwise.
This was the closest he had ever got to her. He was close enough now to see the way her lip curved. The length of her eyelashes. The way her chest rose and fell as she breathed.
She looked so peaceful, just lying there, asleep, that he could have stayed and watched her until the night started to lighten and become dawn. But that was not what he had come here for – he was not going to watch any more. Although the temptation was strong to touch her cheeks, trace the outline of her lips, he forced his hand to move upwards. Past her nose, past her eyes, until it hovered just above the centre of her forehead.
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Eww, creepy creepy. Fantastic job. One little typo: “their” in the first paragraph should be “there.”
You going to let us read this when you’re done?
@Meli: First rule of NaNo (not the first, but it’s a biggie): no editing.
Just keep going forward, not back.
And no, I’m not, sorry! There’ll be a proper page thing like the other stories, but the only way the novel will be read in full by my non-betas/editorial people etc. Is if it’s published.
I know no editing. I just couldn’t help it!
Oooh, I like!
Ciar rather reminds me of a character popular with young hormonal teenage girls. Though they describe that character’s antics as romantic…
@Mary: Ha ha ha. When I was originally plotting this out, I basically described him as “The alternate character interpretation of [that character], just played straight”. Yes, Ciar has had a heck of a lot of character development on top of the creepy, with motivations and stuff to explain why his rules != our rules but… they’re still not appropriate and he’ll get called on this later on. No rewardees for the stalking.
LOL! Its creepy, but Idk not thattt creepy lol. Its cause i probably have to read litterature thats creepy lol. Um, Idk the vibe i get is obssesion yes, but like i sympathize for him and feel that he is so in love, and that he is infatuated not a creeper. Just for an idea, I would include more vulgar, sexual references, like pertaining to her actual women features. IDk that was what i got from that. I feel its unrequited love rather than creepy pedophile looking out window.
@Rick: Right before this scene, his brother told him to just rape her. He provided visual aides in an attempt to inspire him.
And it’s creepy anyhow – he is in her room, without her consent, and about to magically mess with her mind and violate her that way. Doesn’t matter that he thinks he is doing it out of love.
@Catherine: ooo.. okay now thats creepy lol
there we go rape factor has official deemed it super disturbing… (Y )
[...] scenes that wasn’t all wrapped up in other stuff. Also, Ciar appears. Whether he is being less creepy is all up to [...]